If you are a human being, chances are you are guilty of having a big ego at times in your life. For some people, it is this defense system that comes and goes with the wind and doesn’t cause much harm. For others, it completely takes over their identity and becomes who and what they are.
To live as your ego is to live in ignorance of who and what you are. How do you know this? You can observe your ego. You can witness it as this entity within your field of consciousness operating under the guise of identity. This is the essence of spiritual awakening. But this article is not about how to master your own ego, it’s about how to deal with people in life who have an ego that is interfering with your happiness.
Some people’s egos are no harm and don’t need to be addressed, but others have such a strong ego that it completely destroys your ability to interact with them in a healthy way. Whether it is a co-worker, a friend, a family member, your own partner, or maybe even yourself, here are 3 effective ways of dealing with someone who has a big ego.
1) Understand their ego is their protection
A big ego is actually a symptom of spiritual disharmony. They lack self-love and self-worth, so by building themselves externally (through bodily training, materials, wealth, reputation, etc), they are supplementing their deep sense of lacking. They are trying to create superficial personal value, and by boasting this to the world in the form of a big ego, they are really just masking unhealed wounds.
I feel that whenever I feel worse about myself as a person, I want to workout more often to fill in that gap. Similar to the old analogy of how bullies often come from parents who bully them, people will a big ego often act from a place of depression and insecurity. Don’t take their big ego too seriously. Beneath that mask is a little boy or a little girl who has some healing to do.
And I am not saying “little” to imply that they are less of a person for not being healed yet. We all have some healing to do. I’m saying “little” because a lot of their wounds date back to their childhood and youth. Maybe they were bullied and have built an ego up to protect themselves from getting hurt.
2) See through their pain
When you recognize this about someone, you stop taking their ‘front’ so seriously. See through their pain and treat them with kindness and compassion nonetheless. Don’t feed their ego or juice them up, but create a space for them to actually feel like they matter. Not in a superficial way, but in a genuine way.
It could be something as simple as saying you appreciate them when your energy fields are quiet, or saying that you love them as a friend and value them as a person. It is a normal response for their ego to offend your ego or rub it the wrong way, but you’ll be amazed at the reaction if you actually give them an emotion or a energy of acceptance than that can receive as genuine.
3) Love yourself enough to stay centered
If someone with a big ego gets under your skin, whose fault is that? Really though. Do you think Justin Bieber could have gotten under the skin of Buddha, or do you think your cocky co-worker would have knocked Jesus away from his center? Part of dealing with toxic people is to take responsibility for your own energy field whenever you can. Use it as a test for growth.
What thoughts are playing over and over in your head that might be contributing to the emotions you are experiencing? Are you anticipating they will bother you and therefore manifesting it in some way? Are you responding from your center, or from your emotions/mind? Are you treating this as an opportunity to learn something or as an opportunity for you to feel validated in your position?
I could never understand how people who were so sick of hearing others complain would COMPLAIN about how others complain. It’s the same energy. Similarly, when you interact with someone with a big ego and YOUR ego grows as a defense mechanism, you are playing the same game. Observe this reaction within yourself, understand that their ego is their protection, and see through their pain into their wounds.
Maybe they don’t have “wounds”, they just lack a feeling of meaning and purpose in life and don’t know where to turn. The greatest thing you could give that person is an opportunity to feel something real. Their ego is a just a bandage and a mask. Don’t take it too seriously.