by Danielle Fagan |
Don’t rock the boat. Don’t stir the pot. Leave well enough alone. Go with the flow. These were sayings that I had lived by for a long time.
When I was little, I was very shy, quiet, and highly empathetic. I held onto the emotions I felt fiercely. I learned from a young age that speaking up meant possibly starting conflict (something that I was very afraid of), so I swallowed my feelings every time something happened that I didn’t agree with. Or, if I did speak up and someone disagreed with what I had to say, I’d immediately back down and apologize.
When I began seeing energy healers I’d hear over and over that my throat chakra was blocked and that I needed to express myself. I didn’t understand. I had no issues with expressing love and affection. I didn’t know what the problem was. What wasn’t I seeing?
With time, I learned that it was the “negative” emotions that I was expressing, not the “positive” ones. Every time I felt pain, sadness, discouragement, or anger, I’d withhold my emotions and they’d energetically attach to my throat chakra. Every feeling that I did not acknowledge, express, and let go became stuck.
It got so bad that for a while I stopped feeling any emotions at all. I felt numb. I couldn’t feel very happy or very sad. I just had this vague sense of discontentment no matter how positive my life was. I was so afraid of conflict that I didn’t express any negativity at all and I started having throat related problems (swollen glands, hypothyroidism) and big time emotional baggage. I also didn’t have any energy, I always wanted to sleep and eat because they were the only activities that made me feel better.
I had dug myself a big hole and I knew that I was the only one that could get myself out. So slowly, I had to deal with all of the emotions that I had stored for so many years. I had to chip away at the moutain of emotions, writing down everything that I felt so that I could isolate the problems in my life and then, eventually, discover the solutions.
Becoming aware of my issues was not all that difficult – painful at times, sure, but certainly easier than the next step of the process – changing my behaviour.
I had to speak my truth. I knew that I needed to start communicating the buried feelings I had discovered. I needed to speak to those who hurt me, stand up for myself, and change a lot in my life. I knew that this would involve the oh-so dreaded “conflict.” I decided that my fear of conflict did not outweigh my desire for change. I decided to speak up and stir the pot for once.
I’m happy to report that I’m still here! The conflict didn’t kill me like my ego said it might. I made it out to the other side in one piece having learnt a lot in the process. I’ve written down 7 things I’ve learned from unblocking and opening my throat chakra. I wish I had known them when I started this journey, so that’s why I decided to share them with you today and hopefully, save you from struggling in the same way I did.
1. Embrace those who challenge you
Oh boy. There are a few people that come to mind as I write this. The people that challenge you most are typically the ones that you don’t like. You don’t like them because they make choices that you don’t agree with. These people challenge your view of things. The trouble here is that often react by aggressively defending our own ways of doing things or by trying to change them so that they adopt our viewpoints.
If you embrace them and accept them as the teachers that they are, you’ll stop fighting them and begin learning from them. These people are giving you the opportunity to change your way of doing things and see another way of living. They each have something to teach you. Look for the lesson and appreciate that they are in your life.
For example, a person can teach you to stand up for yourself because they take advantage of you. They challenge your way of being by their treatment of you. Other times, a person can teach you about love by never expressing it to you. You learn that expressing love can make the receiver feel loved and supported and the opposite if love is not expressed. This person has challenged your way of being.
2. Think before you express yourself
Feeling a certain way doesn’t give you permission to be insensitive to the feelings of others. It’s okay to be angry or sad, but not to intentionally hurt another with your words. Be sensitive. Communicate your message with as much love as you can.
3. Let it Go
How the other person will receive your message is out of your control. As long as you say your message with love, you must allow the other person to feel what they need to feel. Be you. Be loving. Be open and honest and let it go. Don’t try to control the outcome.
4. Conflict is healthy!
Conflict is natural and is necessary in order for change to happen. When someone introduces a new idea to you, that fresh idea will conflict with your previous view of the world. You choose at that point to adopt the new idea or to reject it. Either way, there was an initial conflict when you heard about the new idea. If you never experienced conflict in your life, you would never grow. You need to be exposed to new ideas and behaviours to challenge your perceptions, otherwise you would be stuck experiencing the same thing over and over.
If you’ve spoken up and created conflict, know that you’ve challenged that person’s way of being. Allow them to accept or reject your idea without judgment and try your best to maintain your open, loving honesty.
Plus, people look silly when they’re screaming and waving their hands in the air and you’re speaking calmly and acting cool as a cucumber!
5. Your emotions can get stuck
Your emotions colour your experience. Think of them as a lens that you view the world through everyday. Every time you have a different emotion, your lens changes colour. Choose the lens and then let it go. You don’t need to hold onto a feeling.
We get into trouble when we hold on tightly to past pain. People will do this out of fear. Fear of expression, conflict, powerlessness, helplessness, and so on.
6. Do not force others to express themselves
It takes a confident person to be able to express themselves honestly, openly, and lovingly. You are not in control of how others deal with their personal expression. The most you can do is to create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to be honest with you. Be gentle and loving with them. Eventually, they will know it is safe to say what they have to say to you.
7. You are in charge
If you get the sense you’re carrying a lot of emotional baggage, remember that you are the only one who can release it. You can seek the help of a friend, family member, or qualified professional, but ultimately, if you aren’t willing to open up and let go, you’ll remain right where you are. So be strong. Be you and open your heart to change.
The truth about truth is that if you don’t express it, you’ll continue to enable that which doesn’t feel good to you. So if you want real change, speak up and open your beautiful throat chakra. Your words are powerful. Use them to create positive change in your life!
Try out my FREE 5-Day Soul Purpose Training where you’ll learn how aligned you are to living your soul purpose, how to get clarity with 5 powerful daily tools, and how to hear your soul’s language. Click here.
by Danielle Fagan