by Danielle Fagan |
We’re always looking for power whether we know it or not. It is something that we need in order to thrive. Without it, we cannot make change, we feel hopeless and unable to make a difference in the world. A life without power is a sad one.
According to Google, “Power” is defined as ‘the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. “the idea that men should have power over women”‘
That means that unless we direct or influence those in our lives, we’re completely powerless. Imagine the problems this type of belief would create within relationships. One partner would always have power over the other in order for them to have a healthy self-esteem. That leaves the other partner feeling negative and weak. This wrestling over who-wears-the-pants is extremely damaging to both parties. How can you feel truly uplifted and strengthened in your relationship if you’re always fighting for the upper hand?
Avoid Feeling Like A Victim
I fell victim to this type of thinking for most of my life. I quickly defended myself whenever I felt that I was being challenged or unappreciated.
Don’t get me wrong. Being strong is healthy and necessary to have a great relationship but I took this “fight for power” to the extreme. It was as if, “power” and “equality” were tangible items that I could get a piece of if I fought hard enough for them. So fight I did.
“Don’t talk to me like that!”
“Don’t leave your shoes there!”
“YOU wash the dishes!”
And on and on.
There were so many avoidable arguments.
When we fight for power, we reaffirm to ourselves that we do not have it within us. We become bullies that are only satisfied when the other gives us our way. It’s a primitive need that we’re moving past now, as conscious individuals.
As evolved beings, power no longer needs to be defined as influence or control over another but as “The capacity or ability to direct or control our own behavior despite external influences.”
Your Thoughts Have Power
Imagine a day where you wake up and think of the word “peace” and all of your actions, thoughts and words for the day are peaceful regardless of the day’s events.
That is real power.
That power that cannot be taken from you, manipulated or fought over. It comes from deep within.
As you pour more energy into your heart and less energy into the ego, you deepen and heal current relationships and allow yourself to break free of the unhealthy ones.
So next time you find yourself on the defense or about to retaliate, ask yourself, “am I trying to take away their power by making them feel hurt?”, “Do I think that their comment has taken some power from me?”, “Is this argument about him? Or is something else bothering me?”
This self-awareness quickly diffuses anger and brings your focus inward. Once you find that peaceful space within yourself, the external quickly gets the volume turned down and the need to retaliate fizzles out. It is in this state where you can control your own behavior regardless of the external. It is here. In this moment that you experience true power.
The more you look outside of yourself for power, the further you take yourself from ever understanding its true nature. Look within. When you get in touch with your heart you’re more likely to react rationally, peacefully and lovingly.
Power isn’t control at all – power is strength, and giving that strength to others. A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger; a leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own.”
― Beth Revis, Across the Universe
by Danielle Fagan