by Derek Lovell |
Maybe we have all watched too many fantasy movies or Disney films growing up, because our expectation of a perfect relationship or perfect partner is not in alignment with our soul intent. We are all here to play and to get the most out of our experiences here on Earth, during our short time living the human experience. When we place limitations on ourselves and our partners, we are taking away the ability to fully experience.
Each person has their own beliefs on how a relationship should be and how they would like their partner to show up within that relationship. Quite frankly, all that these belief systems do is set us up for failure and disappointment by placing expectations on our relationships. When we can come into acceptance of one another and have no expectation of who should be doing what, then we are granting ourselves the power to BE.
Watch Out For Ownership
Having a sense of ownership over our partner is a common assumption that needs to be let go of in order to live in harmony. What we often forget is that we are two separate beings living two separate experiences, we have agreed on a soul and physical level to be together.
Now I am not saying go out and be intimate with whomever you please because your spouse does not have ownership over you, however if your spouse did choose to engage in such an activity, know that that has nothing to do with you. At some level, whether it be subconscious or conscious, your spouse felt they needed that experience.
We live by so many belief systems and programs that we have built up over the years. Beliefs that a partner should say, do and provide certain things to the other. The pressure of these beliefs, requests or demands are not a positive feeling and end up causing the other to withdraw even further. We all have the right to voice our thoughts and share what brings us joy within our companionship, but it is up to each individual to decide if and when they would like to provide things such as acts of service, words of affection, or any other personal desires.
Come From Love & Acceptance
If you feel like you aren’t getting what you need out of the relationship and you have tried to inform the other of your feelings, try coming from a place of love rather than expectation. It is much more fulfilling for the other to provide and come from a place of love as opposed to awarding a demand or request. Be patient, they will most likely come around when they feel it is right, not when you are seeking it.
If the thought of leaving a relationship comes up a lot, especially when the other is leading you to a place of anger or frustration, try to work out expectations and understanding first. Sometimes there are things we can learn in these cases but we just don’t fully see it in the haze of anger and frustration.
Of course, if a relationship is down right abusive then that requires a much different approach, but in most cases it’s about internal reflection and learning from one another.
Our souls have agreed to be together to learn and grow. Ask yourself why they frustrate or anger you so badly. Let go of the expectation that they need to act or provide a certain way. The universe is pushing you both to understand yourselves better and to break down the stories you have created. If you choose to leave based on your partner pushing your buttons, your next relationship will be even more challenging and the cycle will continue to repeat itself until you have learned the lessons that are required.
It is such a simple intent, let go and just be. Allow your partner to just be. You will be happy to see the shifts that take place when you let go of the expectations. Receive anything your partner has to offer as a gift rather than expecting.
*If you are looking to understand yourself, spouse or relationship better, check out “The 5 Love Languages”. It is a beautiful book that breaks down the different languages of love. I gained great insight from this book and it brought light into my own relationships!
by Derek Lovell